Kari's Keen Knowledge

Being a working mother or even a stay at home working mother can often be exhausting. You may not feel very feminine, energetic, or as out going as you once were before the birth of your child/children. It can often be easy to fall into the trough of routine and forget the spice and vivaciousness you once had. Even easier can be the over looking of the transformations your husband or partner has endured while you yourself have become the brilliant juggling woman you are.

Here I am going to list for you some things you can do for yourself to revive and replenish the beauty within and without. Why am I listing things for you when this blog is about your significant other? It's because if you don't feel good about yourself and where you are in your life, you won't have enough energy or love to lavish on anyone else. So, first thing first: You.

1. Buy a new shampoo or body wash-spend more on it than you usually do.
   
2. Find time to change at least one aspect of your physical appearance. This can be as easy as changing the make-up you use, to finding the endurance to lose those stubborn five pounds.
3. Pick a power word. Personally, I have two. Calm and peace. When things get hectic or I feel anxious or stressed, I breathe in thinking the word calm and breathe out thinking peace. Long slow belly breaths-much like yoga breathing. You may not need two words, you may need more and perhaps you work best speaking it out loud or writing it. But let this word be meaningful and let yourself truly embrace the power it can have over your demeanor.
   
4. Wake up with purpose. I often hang desperately to those last few ten or twenty minutes in the morning when I know I may still be able to sleep if I don't hear a baby wake up. As hard as it is (and yes I know I'm guilty of hypocrisy here) get up before the hatchet falls and get to. You'll feel better moving of your own independence rather than that of your child's or works hold over you.
5. Embrace the inner goddess. Finding yourself doesn't have to be about luxurious spa treatments or lavish dining (although we all know it helps). Be the woman you want to be by acting the way you want to act. Are you normally sheepish but long to be confident? Muster up the courage and take the opportunities throughout your day to transform yourself. It's tough, but worth it.
6. Keep yourself relaxed no matter the work load (there's always tomorrow-pace yourself) and find time to lite your libido.

So, that all being said: How do you keep the romance alive and better understand the position your significant other is coming from?

We need to keep in mind that no matter what is happening in your life, there's a whole slew of things happening in your partner's life too. He (or she) will come home, probably expecting the kids to be crying, you to be exhausted, and dinner on the verge of burning with a pile of dirty laundry to boot. Here are some time tested tips:

1. Care enough to ask. Ask about their day, it doesn't matter what they decide to share with you-if it's all or nothing. But to be available to rant to is often invaluable.
2. Understand they have stresses too. He may not share these stresses (bills, deadlines, office politics) but try not to unload too many of yours onto the list he already has.
3. Be kind. We all love picking on our spouses/partners/significant other. But sometimes it can be too much. So try to go out of your way every now and then and make their favorite meal, give a massage (don't just offer), or maybe just handle the kids a little while longer so he too can have some alone time.
4. Be ready to laugh. Let yourself be in a good mood and it'll be contagious so they can be in one too! Setting the mood is key.
5. This one can arguably be #1.: Show off that renewed inner goddess! Sensual, intelligent, with an extra volume thanks to that new shampoo-who could resist? Make time to celebrate your relationship and have some fun!

Showing your spouse you love them is the fundamental necessity to understanding them. Without a sense of security and love, why would anyone want to open up and trust? You must create this atmosphere in order to have clear lines of communication-and heck, once you're communicating, all you need to do is listen. Granted, that can be easier said than done-but work at it and you'll get the hang in no time. As long as you're loving, listening, and taking time for you-understanding what your partner needs in order to make this machine called marriage work shouldn't require too much more than a tune up from time to time.

If you have anything you'd like to add, please feel free!