Kari's Keen Knowledge

If you have children, you probably fall into one of these two categories:

Scenario #1 For the working parent: You woke up this morning around 5:45 a.m. to throw some reasonably clean clothes into the dryer, prepared food for your little ones, run through a shower and dust with make-up, pausing to say "Good Morning," (with or without morning breath kiss) to your loved one. You jump into your clothes, pack the kids, head to daycare and go to work. Your thousand dollar coffee tastes pretty decent and ruins any attempt you made earlier at brushing your teeth. You work hard all day (avoiding the loud office guy and humoring your boss who's talking about her vacation for the tenth time). After shoveling lunch in, you work some more-leave to pick up the kids who are now dirty and newly refreshed from a late afternoon nap (oh boy). You finally get home and start cleaning/cooking hoping to have enough time to poop in peace after dinner. You wash kids, throw in a load of laundry, avoid bills and crash into bed, counting the days until the weekend.

Scenario #2 For the stay at home working parent: You woke up this morning to either the sound of your partner in the bathroom or the cry of a wee one. Your business suit consists of pj's waiting to be spit up on. You're lucky to get a shower in the morning, and if you do, there's no use putting make up on because by lunch you'll have apple sauce on your face and in your hair. You clean as many dishes as possible and tidy here and there between the feedings, diapers changes, and "hold me now" sessions. If you're good about things, you remember to feed yourself as well as your child. You look forward to when your partner comes home and you can once again speak in tones that don't suggest someone has given you a frontal lobotomy. You prepare dinner with such a speed that most would think you've prepared ahead of time-but you know it's simply all "Heat and Serve." You put your little ones down for bed and after discovering several toys by stepping on them, clean up a little more. You take a shower, talk to your partner and pass out.

If reading that makes you as tired as it does me and you're wondering more where your nap is rather than the romance-just take a breather for a second and regroup!

Romance is something that we can all have, even while raising little ones. Romance starts and ends with you. Your attitude, your mood, your disposition towards your partner help to lead to a long lasting romance. How do you get into a good mood, etc?

1. Take a Breather! The more easy going and relaxed you are, the less stress and tension there will be between you and your partner when you do have time to share.
2. Let go! Don't harbor a grudge! No matter the reason, that small spiteful little voice needs to be quieted-permanently! Letting go of all the little mistakes you two have made along the way will make the road ahead that much smoother.
3. Gear yourself up! Think about how you want to spend your time with your partner, what you want to convey and why. Why is this person so special to you? How can you make sure they know what they mean to you?
4. Take the time to plan something special. Details:

Planning something special does not require you to spend hundreds of dollars on gifts, baby sitters, fancy dinners, etc. For us, being romantic meant making a date night where we planned a nice meal with wine and a movie after the kids were already down for bed. Yes, this will require you to stay awake past 9 p.m. but it's worth it!

If you have the cash and the time to get a sitter and plan something out of the house, wonderful! Don't do dinner and a movie! Why? You two have done it a thousand times before! Take a night picnic to the beach, go indoor rock climbing, go to an improv show, see a concert, take a class together, etc. Do something you've both wanted to do for awhile or something neither of you have ever done before. Make it exciting and really dedicate yourself to being in the moment. This type of abandonment is truly what helps create the atmosphere and will make for a memorable night.

No matter what you do, you'll probably be having some food along the way. A couple of tips:

• Get dressed up!
• Try a new restaurant!
• Have a drink-don't get drunk!
• Always have dessert!
• Flirt!

For those of us who decide a sitter is too much, having a date night is not your only option. It might be as simple as having a drink while relaxing outside on patio chairs; maybe it's giving each other massages and taking the time to talk. If you both enjoy art you could purchase some cheap supplies and paint, etc. ...Or, *and perhaps this is a little obvious,* you could spend some "quality" time together, (don't be afraid to get kinky ladies-variety is the spice of life). To keep it PG, I will not elaborate on all the possibilities of that last statement-but please, use your imagination.

So...you've done your date night and you've had a great time...what now? Hold hands, sneak kisses, pinch butts, tickle, laugh together, keep your romance alive through your everyday. Not only is it important to keep your relationship alive, but it's vital your children have a good example to base what their future relationship should be on.

Be creative, adventurous, honest, and loving to your partner-everything else will fall into place!